Oh what a difference a year can make. I’ve never shared my full story from the past year, but wanted to, praying that it will give someone else hope… I never want you to think you are alone in this infertility battle.
This morning I woke up at 5:30 because this sweet baby girl in my stomach had some crazy hiccups. I laid there with my hand on my stomach, feeling her bounce around, and thanked the Lord for this amazing miracle.
A year ago, I was waking up at the crack of dawn to go in for a D&C after our first miscarriage. I remember driving to the hospital, numb to what was really going on. The day before, my husband and I were having our traditional “Football Saturday.” I was laying on the couch, first trimester exhaustion was winning—so I was dozing in and out of sleep. I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed some blood. This was our first pregnancy so I was clueless, but I just knew this couldn’t be good. I remember thinking in my head “this can’t be happening.”
Just a week earlier, we saw our baby for the first time and heard its heartbeat. How could this be happening?! They told us the chances of a miscarriage once you hear the heartbeat are so slim. We rushed to the ER and it was confirmed that the miscarriage was happening. We were given a few options, but felt the D&C was the best route to go, being that far into the pregnancy.
That sweet baby made me a mom. And while I have no idea what was wrong, I kept clinging to the Lords promise…”His plan is perfect.” I went through some of the darkest days of my life. My heart broke as I watched my husband grieve. Life doesn’t really prepare you for this kind of stuff.
We quickly got pregnant again, but it was followed quickly by another miscarriage. The following 5 months were hell. It was the toughest season of my life, but one of the best seasons for my faith and marriage. My husband and I relied on each other for strength and while my faith was tested, it was strengthened—by clinging to his promises and knowing that He is faithful and good. I was surrounded by incredible friends that lifted us up. My TRIBE of coaches were my rock. I don't know what I would've done without my FitFam.
Those months following our miscarriages were filled with lots of bloodwork and tests. I hated the waiting game, but knew it was necessary if we wanted answers. An ultrasound showed my ovaries were covered with cysts. I had crazy irregular periods. My hormones were just a little out of control. After discussing with the doctor, we decided on a round of clomid in hopes that it would help. I did my first round in February and the bloodwork came back… it didn’t work… or so we thought. My doctor told me that the levels weren’t where they should be, so we would up the dose and try again in March.
We went on with our lives that month... frustrated, but we had waited 5 months, what’s one more month? We went to visit family in South Carolina then went to Montana for a fun week of skiing. I was absolutely exhausted in Montana. I knew that skiing was a workout, but I couldn’t wait to get off the slopes and get a nap in every day! On our last day there, I noticed I was somewhat “late” (but that was normal at this point), but I had a pregnancy test, so I decided to take it.
My hubby was out in the hot tub with everyone else and I sat there and watched it turn positive. I was in shock. It was the only one I had with me, so I couldn’t take another one to double check. And I was cheap and just bought the 99 cent ones, so was it really reliable?!
The next few weeks I made more trips to the hospital for bloodwork to confirm my hcg was increasing. Sure enough, this baby was growing strong and healthy. I was hesitant to get too excited due to the previous miscarriages but my heart was just about to burst with excitement.
My first trimester (and really until around week 20) was pretty rough. I was so sick—to the point where I couldn’t even keep water down. Luckily I was able to get some medicine (diclegis—if you are suffering from morning sickness- ask for this asap. It’s a mircle!) and it helped tremendously. I slept a ton and felt like I was in a fog, but I was no longer throwing up, so it was a win for me. I was able to keep my Shakeology down every day, which I was so thankful for. I knew that my baby was getting awesome nutrients.
So here we are, a year later and 30 weeks pregnant with a sweet baby girl. It was a tough year with ups and downs, but the Lord’s plan is perfect and He has provided us with an incredible miracle that we cannot wait to welcome in November.
I know we all have different stories, but it was those stories that I heard after my first miscarriage that gave me hope. So thank you—to those who reached out and let me know I wasn’t alone. Your encouragement and support truly means so much. I hope that I can return the favor. If you ever need to talk, please know that I am here and happy to listen. It is a tough season, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Feel free to contact me via FB (www.facebook.com/fitwithbreen) or here via my blog (just click on the “Contact” button up top!). I’d love to connect!